The risk is worth the reward

Day one…6:12 am

Officially starting my new venture today. Promptly at 4:52 am I walked into Prana Fitness, my new job…surprisingly sparky and full of energy considering I was up at 3:05am. In the most astute of ways, I’m vigorously excited about the next step into the unknown. Mind you there are business plans and numbers written up to enforce our ideas BUT nothing is ever guaranteed, especially in the fitness world. Now you’re currently reading a blog by a girl who is COMPLETELY petrified of money…yes uncontrobally so. See when you have been where I have slummed from you can either go one of 2 ways; not give a flying fvck about money because you have seen the absolute meaning of poor and know that money isn’t everything or you could be like me and have it control your every move because you are too frightened to return to hell. See to me money is evil, when in luxurious quantities it can turn the nicest of nice to the evilest of hellish beings or when in drought it can turn the kindest of kind into the ravenous.

I’ve always allowed my job possibilities to be controlled by cash flow, meaning: even though I’ve had opportunities to flourish in my dream career, I’ve passed them up due to lack of financial stability. While it is good to be aware of your monetary means, the level that I take it to can be a bit insane. I budget for specific things, my health and my bills… period. I have phenomenal credit for my age because I will do about anything and everything after my number one priority, that credit number. Whether you agree with the whole credit conspiracy or not, I can get a 20k car with 2.99% financing, fully loaded and barely anything down because I said, “Do I want a pair of shoes or to pay my cable bill?…EHHH Versace can wait.” But the flip side to this is that I get extreme anxiety if I’m low on cash, like debilitating nervousness. Panic attack driven, I tend to freak out or make choices solely based on remembering living out of my car and let me tell you, these types of horrible memories can push you to make brash decisions that aren’t very satisfying.

I’ve done a ton of growing in the past few years, and not only in the physical sense. I’m taking more and more risks now, in a multitude of ways that have actually been proving to be pretty beneficial. NOW I have made mistakes, like at times when in the past I would have kept my mouth shut about something and now I’m more vocal which has gotten me into some hot water BUT when it has come to life decisions, the risks have made rewards. I wouldn’t say that I have regrets in life, Im not the kind of individual who thinks like that but I do have moments where I question the decisions I have made. But instead of thinking as “should have could have would have” I say if there is a “next time” I will make the improvements necessary for a better outcome; and that is how I ended up sitting behind the desk I am right now.

When I was presented with the opportunity to manage this facility, I was in the midst of the interviewing process with a very lucrative corporate gym. I had received the green light for hire but God had a different plan for me. I had been waiting and waiting, being pushed to the side and given multiple excuses why I still didn’t have an official hire date, when I had answered a phone call from a friend who was calling to ask me to help him run his new prospect. With that came risk, considering it’s a new business and there was no security when it came to hours or pay BUT there was promise in doing EXACTLY what I’ve always wanted to do, run a gym. To have my hands in not only changing people’s lives through health and wellness, I would get to oversee others, run seminars, teach classes, learn the ins and outs of co-leading a well oiled machine and after a week of mulling it over, I decided to dive head first into the unknown.

If you have known me for 5 minutes, you are clearly aware of the amount of enthusiasm I have towards changing people’s lives for a better tomorrow. I truly feel that after I came out of the darkness of living through what seemed to be hell, I was given a second chance to not only find what I love to do but also teach people the benefits of believing in yourself…after all it has taken me to the point I’m at now. While there was a sense of solstice in knowing I would be making ‘x’ amount of money each week working for a corporate facility, having guaranteed benefits and continual schooling, there was a limit too what I would be allowed to do there and that was drawn out to me during the interview process. Don’t get me wrong, that was a fantastic opportunity that in which I ‘m very grateful to have had, but it was not coincidental that while being pushed off for a starting date, Danny called me to ask if I would be his “right hand lady.”  Having the chance to be a part of growth was just something I couldn’t pass up, something in the past that I might have not realized because I have always been so cognizant of my financial situation, making that the priority over my ideal happiness. But after a recent friend passing at a very young age from cancer, I was able to realize how precious our time is versus the anxiety I have felt over bills. Yes, bills are a primary condition but shouldn’t our contentment be as well? I think with growing older came a sense of grounding, the importance of our time spent in enjoyment compared to frivolous turmoil that we cause ourselves and with that I have a better understanding of life’s value. Imagine being so lucky as I am today, coming from nothing and being gifted a new world because in due time I knew that God would reward the suffering.

Am I nervous still??? Fvck yes BUT its a positive stressor now rather than a constant negative. Regrets for me are not an option, but a memory to take as a learning possibility. If things don’t go as planned, then I at least can revel in the fact that I tried, whole heartedly, because in that moment the pros outweighed the cons. With a smile on my face I can honestly say that I’m ready for this next chapter in my life; as hard as it may be. Work is in my blood, whether it be in getting to the stage or fighting for another dream, so let this moment be celebrated and received for all who venture through it with me. I’ve got a hell of a chance here, and I’m not going to pass it up because of fear… this or many other things in my life.