Perpetual motion

It’s been a while since my hands graced the keyboard with words to inspire the mind and dare you to change your future. I apologize to my allegiance of viewers for My thoughts have been engulfed with trying to reinvent my circumstances and change what seemed to be my fate. I had become so engrossed with getting out of my undesirable conditions that I alienated the world to better my own. But during the process of being lost in the wild wilderness of life’s seeming tragic situations, I found an essential piece of knowledge that is quiet simple in term but pretty profound in succumbing to its meaning. I share these new words of wise findings out of pure heart and to possibly help others like I have in the past with details from prior state of affairs I had been subjected to. (but don’t worry, there will always be some wise cracks written into the words of wisdom)

So…30 years old. I can tell I am in my 30’s because the once perky tone of my b cup boobs are starting to hold a more southern accent. Shit just isn’t what and where it once was. From new laugh lines on my forehead to my knees aching from the years of squats, my body definitely recognizes the new decade in my life and while I hear that you are only as old as you think you are, my heart felt a heavy 80 as the moments lead up to my birthday. I had yet to come to terms with the realness of what I had really just accomplished for myself with uprooting my entire life on a whim to move over a thousand miles away to a strangers house in hopes of substituting a possible defeat for a glorious victory… and I did just that. I beat what seemed like fate BUT the price of winning was a high one, for my heart and minded were still incredibly wounded by the many battle scars I had received from the hands of other less dutiful. I had taken many things personally, the singe of hot pain still scorned my soul from the lack of kindness and compassion I had received from the ones I thought had loved me. For the first time in a LONG fuckin time, I felt a surge of regret so strong even my legs couldn’t have pressed the weight. Regret in believing their words, regret in the time spent hanging on to their lies, regret in the moments I could have been progressing in my career but instead I was enveloped in fighting their false advertisements of adore… I wasted so much energy in getting out of the mess I allowed them to put me in by trusting their fake intentions that I became older and remorseful from the emotions I put into the hostilities. Approaching 30 not only scared the piss out of me because it’s fuckin 30 yrs old! but I had spent so much of my life fixing my realities from people’s targeted bad intentions, that I momentarily regretted not using the time to live life on my own…and with that realization came a freedom that grants me the opportunity to write this notion about the importance of time.

Getting older shouldnt scare us into doing something with our lives, it should inspire us to do more with the present time we have. It should perpetuate us to move forward and constantly reinvent our worlds if we don’t like what it has become or who is in it. We complain, bitch and moan about circumstances that we all have the ability to do something about but we CHOOSE not to because we are too lazy to work on a Saturday or you feel entitled to more because you have 250k followers on Instagram. Choke on a wale’s dick then chew on a sense of reality for 2 minutes please. If you are not trying to make your life better you will regret the time complaining about it when you get to a point where the struggle to breath becomes your actuality. What I didn’t realize at the time of my complaining about my mother abandoning me while I was sick was that instead of regretting spending so much energy of negativity fighting against them I should have been grateful for having the strength to not take that as an excuse to feel entitled to get more. I said nope, not having this shit and bit the bullet by staying in my car but still making sure I went to work every damn day without my co workers knowing I was showering at a gym. (i was very fortunate though to have a close friend take me in after a week of that) No fuck that. I will not allow the turning of 30 to be a bitter milestone from momentary weakness because I was told I had surmounted to nothing by 30 from this world’s disillusion to what people “should have by now” No…no no no fuck THAT. I am 30 and have lived through so much that I could wear out a pen with words of foresight so why the hell do I need to feel bad because I don’t have an expensive mortgage with a white picket fence, 2.5 spoiled kids, in-laws that drive me to become a wine-o and a job that I hate to pay for all of it? And why should I pretend to be something or have something I don’t on social media just to fit the gender needed status of 30 years young? What did I miss here??? But trying to be something in a society that would only take a photo of you instead of giving you help if you were bleeding out from a gun shot wound will be a subject matter for another blog because I don’t want to start a rant about the idiots of society when trying to procure emotions of deep thoughts.

I don’t care how god bearing you are or how spiritually connected with a tree’s roots you are stemming from, WE ALL COMPLAIN. It’s human nature BUT! and I say BUT because there is means for a but… BUT if you are moving forward and trying to better the circumstances then there is room to momentarily fret but don’t regret the efforts because you lack the patience to preserver or are blinded to the progress being made. Don’t dare denounce the practices of attempts because you are tired or because society is pointing fingers at you for going about life a different way. Look at any great inventor, motivator or genius in history, did they do things normally? uh no. far from it. So if your exercises in action aren’t giving you the outcome you want, take a step to the side, catch your breath and realize that you are STILL MOVING FORWARD because you have the ability to look behind you at work you have tried to do. So you aren’t there yet…so you don’t have the white picket fence at the age your parents told you would please…WHO FUCKIN CARES. IT’S YOUR LIFE! You will have a hell of a story to tell to them after you impress them 5 years later with the long list of accomplishments that took you that long to get there. We choose our paths, NOT SOCIETY. NOT OUR AGE BRACKET DEEMED ACCEPTABLE TO THE WORLD. NOT OUR IG FOLLOWING. NOT THE CONSTRAINTS OF YOUR OWN MIND THAT YOU ALLOWED YOURSELF TO BUILD. I have 2 words for you, hold strong; Yup the attitude I have inscribed on my hands, I now more than ever cherish. It’s not time to regret, it’s opportunities we need to make more important and value with more significance to learn and grow from; to utilize the slow paced theme to our advantage and determine the magnitude of its inception and end points during the journey. You waste time on the negative that you will never get back instead of rejoicing in the battles won through perpetual motion in the fight for your future. Remember I learned there’s no wasting time in bettering yourself, only in complaining if you’re too lazy to do something from opportunities presented. Get a gripe. You’re not entitled shit. Work hard and be envious of success so you can figure out how to get your own!

Some people will appreciate my rawness and I’m sure others will roll their eyes to go back to valuing their lives with a double tap instead of trying to better their realities but hey that’s what makes the world turn right? our differences…. (shakes head) All I’m saying is this, my “coming of age” was scary leading up to it, but then I realized how lucky I have been for having the determination to perpetually move forward and not be expecting life to just get better by my faith in God or because I was owed a better life due to my courteous nature. And I don’t regret being hurt of spending time fighting against my circumstances because I learned a lot by MOVING forward not being sedentary form the growing pains. Regret takes energy, use it to make opportunities and get what you want out of life not what you think society wants you to have and said juncture in your timeline.

Be brave. Never settle. Hold strong